Me

Recently, have a conversation with a friend of mine and I looked deep beneath myself. Looking back at the past, and things that I have done yet mistakes I made. Uncountable mistakes I have that made my day nw; sad, unhappy and emotional. Look at the past, it was like a nightmare during a sleep.

I have made my friend lost patiences within me and cause a lot of problems between us. The ego in me has pawned me alive. Sins of jealousy and envy-ing did the same and I found myself in the grave covering with guilt and forgiveness that I ever wanted. In a blink of an eye, everything came to an end, it is too late for me to be forgive.

She is right, before I fall in love with someone, I should have love myself in the first place. Every steps I take it seems like I am going nearer to the doorgate of Hell. Over doing something, get seduced in the most deadliest sin of jealousy, that it is all begin. Ruined everything beyond my own hand, letting go my spirit and lost hope to myself. Seems like I hav lost my sight and I am going no where but towards a dead end. Trapped myself in a dark and routeless box. Lonely, emotional and unhappy.

He is right and yet he is one of my best friend that have been thru ups and downs. Nothing is perfect in this hectic world. The feeling of dislike within friends do exist in everyone of us, is just the matter of the limit of the feeling. I'm too over about myself, making all decisions and being too possessive and there where it begun the feeling of dislike grows beyond them towards me. I hide my feelings deep beneath myself and being hatred by most of them. Shed tears quietly without being notice is well torturing. Hope it will be better.

As for thou. I made your high school life miserable by falling in love with you. This matter is something that really bothers me because it has pros and cons. I do learn a lot and understand a lot before really getting involve with relationship which I failed. It made our relationship gone no where but backwards. That is my turning point in my school life and the beginning of the life of love. A sentence that I've buried within me. ''You don't even understand yourself and you're trying to understand me''. A task that I've never succeed. A task which proved me wrong and useless. In the sense of maturity, I'm still a kid with a pinch of knowledge. Well, it is too soon.

Did as what I never did before,
Tried to change to be better but never done,
Failed within my hope and goal,
Ended up hopeless and benefitless.





signing off..